Man thinking on a train journey. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)People get stuck in their heads all the time - some of us more than others. Although it's lovely to ponder life and be inquisitive about yourself, the problem is that the majority of our thoughts are not so upbeat. When we're in mind-wandering mode (a.k.a., 'in your head'), thoughts usually turn to what bills are due, why your partner was a jerk last night, why a coworker took credit for your work today, why you reacted in a particular way to a family member, and so on. And, funnily, at times like this, when we're not focusing on anything in particular, the brain's default mode network (DMN) is 'on,' which means that the brain literally defaults to this kind of (worry-based) thinking much of the time.
When your mind is wandering in any direction from what you're doing, you're a lot less likely to be feeling happy. One Harvard study a few years ago used a specially designed iPhone app to query people about what they were doing at random times throughout the day, whether they were thinking about that task or not, and how happy/unhappy they were. The verdict was clear, and became the title of the paper: 'A wandering mind is an unhappy mind.'
So getting out of our heads and back to the present is the key. How to do this has been the subject of psychologists' debates for centuries, and philosophic debate for even longer. Here are tried and true (and science-based) methods to help get you out of your head and back into the present.
1. Get ready to 'go there.'
This sounds like a way to do exactly the opposite of getting out of your head, but it's not. Getting in touch with your internal stuff allows you to process it, which lets you move on from it. The reality is that most people, especially depending on your generation, grew up with the notion that it's better to hide your feelings than to talk about them. This, of course, is one of the most destructive ideas you to carry with you, because it means that thoughts never get processed - they just spin around your head ad infinitum. But addressing them by talking about them (with friends or better yet, a psychologist) is one way to step out of them.
'From the earliest exchanges between infants and parents, a self grows in relationship with those around them,' says Todd Essig, PhD, fellow Forbes contributor and practicing psychologist in NYC. 'So too is the case in adulthood. We come to know ourselves in dialogue with others.'
And people are starting to talk more openly about their experiences and pain, which is a very good thing. It should be pointed out that medication can absolutely be useful - and life-saving - for some. But if you're not processing your experiences at the same time, then the underlying problems will continue. Even if you can't go to formal therapy, talking about how we feel with close friends helps us process events and emotions in a way that going over and over them in your head simply can't.
2. Be a storyteller, not an ruminator
That said, there's a double-edged sword: The danger of introspecting too much, of course, is that it can easily turn into full-blown rumination - an endless cycle of self-examination and worry that goes nowhere. David Brooks wrote a great piece on this issue last week, pointing out that it's critical that we create a narrative, rather than a cycle of overly-detailed self-inquiry. 'When people examine themselves from too close,' he writes, 'they often end up ruminating or oversimplifying. Rumination is like that middle-of-the-night thinking - when the rest of the world is hidden by darkness and the mind descends into a spiral of endless reaction to itself. People have repetitive thoughts, but don't take action. Depressed ruminators end up making themselves more depressed.'
Instead, as he and others have argued, you should think of yourself like a storyteller, trying to fit events into a general framework, rather than pouring over each little piece of information. 'Introspection is a closed system,' adds Essig. 'Patterns of growth only emerge by opening yourself to input from others. Can you imagine doing a search on an iPhone with no network connection? Even the best search strategy, i.e., introspection alone, would be terribly limited. So too with cognition, feeling, and desire.'
3. 'Be slightly inappropriate.'
This may be the best method of all, though it's easier said than done. While it may not be scientifically 'proven,' you've surely witnessed it in action many times: When someone asks you a question that's a little too personal, you may have noticed that after the initial surprise, it actually feels good to answer it, because it opens the conversation up to another level. The truth is that most of us actually want to be more open and connected with one another, but just don't know how to go about it - it's so ingrained in us not to offend anyone and not to over-share, that we end up being too conservative.
Gretchen Rubin put it well in her article about small talk a few months ago, when she noticed that when people are a little too inquiring, it actually doesn't put others off - it opens them up. 'I can't use this strategy, myself,' she wrote, 'because I don't have the necessary gumption, but my husband is a master. Over and over, I hear him ask a question that seems slightly too prying, or too cheeky, and I feel a wifely annoyance, but then I see that the person to whom he's talking isn't offended-if anything, that person seems intrigued and flattered by his interest.'
Entities 0 Name: Harvard Count: 1 1 Name: Gretchen Rubin Count: 1 2 Name: Todd Essig Count: 1 3 Name: David Brooks Count: 1 4 Name: Forbes Count: 1 5 Name: Essig Count: 1 Related 0 Url: http://ift.tt/VAieJT Title: 6 Ways Your Brain Tries To Kill Your Ideas And How To Fight Them Description: I have a lot of ideas in my head. And for the most part, that's where they used to stay. In my head. Where other people couldn't see them, interact with them or build upon them. Where they were safe and untested and uncriticized. All mine. Sure, I've created some.
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